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Myles and I hop off the metro and duck into Coffee Republic downtown. Beneath speakers blasting Top 40 hits, we chat about navigating breakups, finding community in a new city, ritual across religious practice, physical media, funeral guests, and dream jobs.
Samuel: What brought you to the DMV?
Myles: I moved for a job. I grew up in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and was looking to move to the DC area after college. I’ve been here for four years. I work in downtown DC but live in Pentagon City.
Samuel: What made you want to come here?
Myles: I knew that I wanted to move away after college. I needed to get away from the small-town energy. My partner-at-the-time lived in DC, so I visited over the course of two years and grew to very quickly love the city. One of the questions I asked myself was: If this partnership ended, would I be okay living in this city? And the answer very clearly was yes.
Also, Pentagon City is very close to the action but also very suburban – there’s a ton of parks near me. In DC, I’d walk around on a Saturday morning and it’d be quiet outside, but there’s things constantly happening.
Samuel: Delicate but relatable subject…I clocked the “at-the-time” there. What was it like going through a breakup after moving to be closer to that partner?
Myles: When I moved, I started my job very quickly, so it was challenging to make friends – it was all happy hours, and I don’t drink, and I didn’t want to talk to people who just talk about working in finance or the Hill…it was the same conversation over and over again. It was challenging to carve out the time, and then even when I could carve out the time, the events and places weren’t calling to me.
Then, nine months after moving, that relationship ended. It was a lot for me because I didn’t really have anybody. I told myself: This will never happen to me again. I will not be without community in a place I call home. I literally typed “queer friending events” and As You Are popped up. I’m an extroverted person, so things like that are not usually out of my comfort zone, but it was definitely intimidating being so fresh after a breakup. I went to this [As You Are] event and found two of – unbelievable to say now – my oldest friends here. Everything has just kind of followed from there.
There’s the Jewish community piece as well. My Jewish journey started really like five years ago, and it was spurred because of that relationship; my partner was Jewish. After the relationship ended, I went through a year-long process of [asking]: Did I want to explore Judaism and converting only because of this partner? And in the work I did that year, it became very clear that the answer was no. That person brought Judaism into my life, but my Jewish journey was fully my own.
Samuel: What made it clear? Was it one moment?
Myles: What really drew me in was the community aspect and how community-centered Judaism is. Something unique about working at BBYO was that I got to see teens and adults alike practicing [their Judaism] across the spectrum of things. I remember at one of our conventions, we were at Friday night dinner and services and one of the service options had drag queens, and I was like: This is my beautiful Judaism that is so deeply personal to me.
Samuel: You mentioned being raised Catholic. What’s it been like taking on a very different set of religious ritual as you converted?
Myles: My relationship with ritual has evolved a lot in the last few years. At first, I was kind of nervous, even just dipping my toes in. I was resistant to leaning into ritual. But once I let myself lean in…Rabbi Amalia told me: Just try things! You’re going to have a different Friday night ritual than I do, which is different from someone down the street, and that’s fine. So there’s been huge comfort leaning heavily into the ritual. I’m observing Shabbat every Friday night. No matter where I am, I’m lighting candles and drinking something and having a carb. It doesn’t need to be challah and grape juice, but I’m taking five minutes for ritual wherever I go because it brings me joy. It’s been so special finding out what my ritual routine is.
Samuel: Where are you finding community right now?
Myles: I’m showing up in different places. I’m a mentor for the current Jewish Welcome Workshop class. I go to Sixth & I and Congregation Etz Hayim when I go to services. I’m also inviting people into my home more, showing them Shabbat and my ritual. I think my Jewish community is just showing up as myself this year, bringing in Jewish and non-Jewish people. And it’s a lot of involvement with Gather events; I’m doing the Open Doors Fellowship that’s coming up.
Samuel: Okay, a few quick ones to close. I was told to ask you about movies. What’s on your mind right now?
Myles: Absolutely. I’m an Alamo season ticket holder. I don’t play about my movies! I have an entire set-up at home with a little Blu-Ray player. I love physical media. If my wi-fi is down, I can still play a DVD. One movie I’ve seen recently is The Social Reckoning. I thought Jeremy Strong was spot-on. It was chilling and very well done and Jeremy Allen White is playing a Jewish investigative reporter. I think it is a really important movie to watch.
I Saw the TV Glow is also one that I always talk about. I left the theater and drove home in silence. The theme is that there is always time, which hit extremely close to home. Up until that point, I’d been using he / him pronouns, and immediately after [seeing the movie] I started trying out he / they pronouns, and it’s been two years now. There’s always time to change and evolve.
Samuel: What’s something you’re feeling accomplished about?
Myles: I’m starting a new job at the Human Rights Campaign. I’ll be the Senior IT Support Specialist. HRC was a dream job for me after college, but I didn’t have the experience. I was at [my previous job] for 4 years, and I think I’ve grown a lot. I’m always thinking of the human behind a problem; there’s always a person behind it. When they asked why [I wanted to work there], I said: I feel like this is how I can serve my community and all the communities that HRC serves right now, in this critical time.
Samuel: You’re hosting Shabbat dinner and can invite any three people. Who are you bringing?
Myles: I’m bringing one of my best friends, Latreese. She is the friend you bring to anything: funerals, weddings, coffee, parties. Then, Hannah Einbinder and Dolly Parton.
Samuel: Last one. Finish the sentence: When Jews of the DMV gather…
Myles: I never feel like the loudest person in the room!
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