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Sam and I find each other in Arlington’s Kaldi’s Social House. Over afternoon coffees, we chat about Sam’s time working in a funeral home, how Judaism sets us up to navigate grief, bluegrass music, learning Hebrew, two cats, and where Sam is enjoying local Shabbat services.
Samuel: What brought you to the DMV?
Sam: I’m from southern Virginia, a tiny town of about 25,000 people. It’s a suburb of Roanoke, Virginia. I went to college in Ohio and was a big poli-sci guy, did speech and debate, Model UN-type stuff. I was trying to go down the diplomat route. I was supposed to go to the University of Haifa in Israel for a few months [during] my junior year of college to finish learning Hebrew and study Arab politics and conflict resolution. Then the war happened. I was supposed to leave October 14th, 2023. And so the US government was like: Absolutely no way that you’re going.
So I had to pivot a little bit. My girlfriend lives in DC, so I figured I’d follow her. I had my degree in international relations. DC is the place to be! Then I moved here during the federal hiring freeze, when they were firing all these people who were better qualified than me.
So I’m thinking: I’ve had a crazy past two years of college. I’m tired of school. So I’ll work for a couple years and figure out what I want to do. In high school, I’d been a clergy assistant. I was pretty involved in Jewish community in college. I saw that Temple Rodef Shalom had open positions for clergy assistants, so I worked there for a year. But I just don’t love administrative work. I like being active on the ground, doing stuff. Northern Virginia Jewish Funerals is fairly new, but they do most of the Jewish funerals in Virginia. I’d been the funeral logistics person at Temple Rodef Shalom, so I’d worked with them pretty closely, and eventually left to join NVJF.
A very roundabout way of saying how I got to DC.
Samuel: What’s keeping you here?
Sam: Well, I live with my partner and our two cats, Tabasco and Ghost. We live in Chevy Chase.
I grew up in a small town. The Jewish community near Roanoke is interesting – there’s young Jews, but [the community] is small and extremely tight. There’s two shuls but there doesn’t need to be. There’s lots of overlap in the Venn diagrams. When I was in high school, I was very involved and it was very important in my life. I love that DC has a huge Jewish population and it’s growing very rapidly.
Samuel: What does your personal community look like?
Sam: I’ve gotten involved at Adas Israel. I’m usually a fairly frequent shul-goer, but when I was working at [Temple Rodef Shalom] I wasn’t, because I was working at the shul. I was already there all the time. But I’ve started going to Adas, which is ten minutes away from me. I’ve started working in the Hebrew school and doing some song-leading.
Samuel: You’ve mentioned Hebrew a couple times. Where does your interest in Hebrew come from?
Sam: I really love the Hebrew language. It’s culturally important. In my Hebrew school in Roanoke, after your bar mitzvah, you could continue to do modern Hebrew. I did that in high school, so I think the language has a really special place in my heart. I have a lot of fond memories of starting to learn. My rabbi told me that I had to listen to Israeli music [for the accents], and I fell in. I’m not fluent, but I can read Torah and understand the majority of it. I can carry a basic conversation. I’m hoping at some point that I can find some Israeli grandma or something to get some practice with my spoken Hebrew, because I don’t use it that much and I really want to because I want to finish learning [Editor’s note: Is this you or your grandma? Reach out!].
Samuel: You were working at Northern Virginia Jewish Funerals for a bit. What led you there?
Sam: I probably had more experience with loss than a lot of people in my age cohort. When I was a kid, my uncle and great-grandmother and grandmother died. I had to experience loss, and I had an interest in that – I think that experience was one of the things that pushed me to be more religious and engaged with the community. My friend was the head of the Chevra Kadisha [near Roanoke] and I got involved with them when one of my friends’ father died. They’d call me in for some funerals if they needed a minyan. I only started doing that shortly before I left, but it was in the back of my mind.
I think about Maimonides’ [ladder] of giving; this is doing a good deed for someone who literally cannot repay you at all. That’s not something people are lining up to do. But it was something I knew I could do.
Samuel: What have you learned about death and loss through this work?
Sam: I think I have a complicated and intimate relationship with death. Like I said, I had a lot of loss early in my childhood. It’s led me to be more spiritual and religiously engaged. I’m into stoicism, in terms of: Remember that you will die. We’re all going to die, and you should try to inform your life decisions based off that. I think for someone my age, I’m very aware of my own mortality. I’m not afraid of death, but I don’t want to leave the world before I feel like I’ve made enough of a positive impact. I believe in leaving the room cleaner than you found it.
One area in which I really like the Jewish tradition is that grief is very raw and ritualized. We fill the grave together with the mourners. There’s shiva. It allows people to feel their grief, to remember, and I think that’s very beneficial. It’s a strength of Jewish communities; there’s a sense that we’re all in it together.
Samuel: Okay, a couple quick ones to close. What’s something you’re bad at?
Sam: Telling people no. I’m a bit of a people pleaser.
Samuel: What are you feeling proud about?
Sam: I’m proud that I’m starting to get out there in the community. I’m more involved. And I’m doing more stuff with song leading; I really love music and performance.
Samuel: Last one. Finish the sentence: When Jews of the DMV gather…
Sam: We bring the simcha.
Samuel: Anything else?
Sam: One interesting thing: Roanoke, Virginia is the Bluegrass capital of Virginia. I really love old country music. I play the guitar. I write country music. At some point, I want to get a band together and perform and stuff in DC.
Samuel: I’ll get that in the profile. Maybe someone will reach out and we can get you connected!
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