The GatherDC blog strives to present a holistic portrait of the DMV’s Jewish community, sharing a wide variety of Jewish voices and perspectives. If you have a 20- or 30-something to nominate as our Jewish Person of the Week or for a Spotted in Jewish DMV feature, please email us!
Ethan and I sit down at Dupont Circle’s Colada Shop one recent afternoon. Read our conversation to learn more about Ethan’s Rockville roots, the importance of “light friendships,” metro-accessible hosting, the value of a routine, and more!
Samuel: You’re from the DMV originally – what’s kept you here?
Ethan: I grew up close to Rockville. I stayed in state for college at University of Maryland. My family is kind of scattered, but my parents are still around [the DMV] and I definitely enjoy my relationship with them. I also just like the area – DC is both a relatively big city with a lot of cultural opportunities, but also a city with areas that allow you to have a lot of quiet time and unplug in a way that I like.
Samuel: Has your relationship with DC changed now that you’re living in the area as an adult?
Ethan: I’ve definitely had to redefine it, especially since I graduated [college] into Covid. I didn’t get the full experience of DC. But, the friendship- and relationship-building is, in some ways, very easy. People are looking to make friends, looking to be friendly. When you put yourself out there, it is generally responded to with welcoming and kindness.
Samuel: Why do you think that is?
Ethan: DC is a city where a ton of people come and go, so everybody’s “been there” to some extent. There’s a lot of shared experiences and shared wants and shared desires for people in the area. There’s also a lot of people who are mission-driven in a way where you have to be connecting with people. You can’t be “networking” – you have to be building relationships.
Samuel: Coming from the Rockville area, how did you get connected with Gather?
Ethan: I met Kari, and she was the one who recommended Beyond the Tent to me. I didn’t have a great sense of what I wanted to get out of Jewish life. I wasn’t someone who really connected with Hillel or Chabad at UMD. It felt like I wasn’t the “right” type of Jewish. I’d been looking for a real launching point for where I was going to look for Jewish life, and that’s when I bumped into Kari.
Samuel: Six months out from Beyond the Tent, is there anything that still feels present or relevant for you?
Ethan: The biggest one is realizing how erroneous it was for me to want just one stop for all of my Jewish life. I thought I was going to find an existing friend group, or join a synagogue. I went thinking: What’s Gather going to show me that’s going to be the one-stop-shop, the way my family’s synagogue was growing up?
But, Beyond the Tent gave me the tools to go down different paths and explore things to different depths as I need them in a given moment. How do I want to do this individual holiday? How do I want to incorporate this practice? It can be more individual and piecemeal, like a box of photos. Here’s this one thing you pick up and…maybe it serves its purpose. Or maybe it’s not great, and you put it down. Also, I went into Beyond the Tent thinking that spirituality wasn’t something I was going to encounter really at all – I was focused on cultural Judaism and community building – but I’ve definitely found my way to Sixth & I for that spiritual side of things.
Another takeaway is that you can have different levels of friendship that are great. There’s a limited number of people that you’re going to be best friends with – but you can be more than acquaintances with a lot of people! I think people are starved for that type of light friendship. Especially being in the suburbs, making and sticking to [social] routines consistently is hard. I don’t think the suburbs are isolating, but they require a very different type of intentionality.
Samuel: What else is resonating for you Jewishly?
Ethan: I’ve done more Sixth & I services, as well as the book talks and everything else with them. I’ve gotten involved with the DCJCC’s Shabbat Clusters; they have a 20s Maryland one. But it’s big, and I want to find a way to host at a smaller level. I want to be a OneTable host and have people over to my apartment. I’m Rockville metro-accessible now! It’s also nice now to have more newsletters – including GatherDC’s and the DCJCC’s – where I can see one-off events and see if I like it. Do this thing, do one more thing, and see what I like.
Samuel: What’s made hosting an aspiration for you?
Ethan: It was never something that we did growing up, and I want it as something to redefine my Jewish community and practices. I want more of those small things, and to be more intentional. When you’re hosting, you get to pick a lot more of what Jewishness is for you, rather than defining what Jewishness isn’t. I want to discover stuff that wasn’t in my old Jewish practice, discover new things and ask: What are you bringing to the table?
Samuel: A few quick ones to close. What’s your connection with martial arts?
Ethan: I’ve been on and off doing martial arts since I was 5, starting with Taekwondo. It was an after-school activity that my parents just kept encouraging as a way to do something and get the energy out. For a while, they were teaching it at the Rockville JCC, so there was a tie back to the Jewish community as well. It’s given me a lot of structure because it’s very routine-driven. I like the connection of the inward to the outward. And I don’t have a boxing career, so I’m not doing martial arts where you’re beating people up…it is very much you versus yourself. It’s something you can devote yourself to, and push yourself.
Samuel: What’s something you’re bad at?
Ethan: I’m bad at being realistic about my schedule. I’m good at overbooking myself. I want to be a person who says yes frequently, but I also need to be a person who is able to say no.
Samuel: What’s something you’re feeling proud about?
Ethan: I got promoted at work this year, so that’s something I’m enjoying. I’m also proud of myself for filling my life with a lot of the routines that I want to have.
Samuel: You’re inviting three people to Shabbat dinner. Who are they and why?
Ethan: I’d want a fun author, someone to bring some humor to the table, so I’m inviting Kurt Vonnegut. His work really resonates with the now. Then, I want someone with some accomplishments you could talk about; I’m thinking of Frederick Law Olmsted, who designed Central Park. I think the logistics of making something that has endured is really cool. Then, I would want to bring one of my grandfathers who passed away. It would be a very full Shabbat table.
Samuel: Last one. Finish the sentence: When Jews of the DMV gather…
Ethan: We make meaningful experiences for everybody. We create the Jewishness that we want in the world.
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