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Emma and I pop by West End’s For Five Coffee. Outside, in the sun, we chat about 11 matching tattoos, the value of a shared experience, her time as an abortion doula, ditching Michigan, dachshund shenanigans, and finding meaning in differences.
Samuel: What brought you to the DMV?
Emma: I’ve been in DC for about six years. A friend of mine said: You should come do an internship and just kind of have a mess-around summer. I was living in Michigan, and wasn’t happy there, so I got a job at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. Abortion work is my biggest passion. I thought: Wow, this is my first time in DC, and I never want to leave. What am I doing in Michigan? So I put in for a transfer to GW.
Samuel: What has kept you here?
Emma: This is the city where everything really happens. For a lot of people, that can be New York, that can be L.A., that can even be Atlanta or Miami – but I think DC can cater to a lot of people who seek things to do. Going to museums, walking outside, talking. Talking is the activity. There’s always something to learn, just being out and about in DC. I’m trying to hit every museum in DC. I keep a running list and a ratings list of my favorite restaurants for when my friends come. Like, for example, my mother just bought a plane ticket; she comes over like three times a year, and we have a different itinerary every time. We have 11 matching tattoos, and –
Samuel: Hold on. Let’s stay on that.
Emma: We match all of our tattoos. We started when I was 19. Tattoos don’t have to mean things to people, but they do for me. For my mom and me, it’s a reflection of experiencing the same pain of the same tattoo at the same time and getting the same result. How often can you say that you both went through the exact same thing and came out with the exact same result? That doesn’t really happen. We’re all shaped by our individual perceptions and experiences, but my mom and I feel so bonded doing it.
My brother and I are the kind of people where it’s absurd how much we talk to our parents. We love them, we miss them. He’s in New York. I’m in DC. They’re in Detroit. We always joke that one day we’re going to build our own commune and live together. I don’t think that’s going to work for my boyfriend or my brother’s girlfriend. But it’s the idea that there’s no distance, and home is just wherever we are together.
Samuel: How much of that closeness comes from Jewish practice?
Emma: The cultural aspect of Judaism was the biggest emphasis in our family. I didn’t feel connected through the experiences of synagogue. I didn’t go to Jewish summer camp or have that typical cookie-cutter experience. My parents wanted me to have those Jewish experiences, but it just wasn’t in the cards at the time. I went to a high school with 39 people in my entire graduating class, which limited my experiences with Jewish friends. At my first undergrad school, I had an antisemitic roommate, and that was a really difficult experience. Hillel reached out to me, and definitely became a saving grace. I joined the board, and had all these great experiences, and met some of my closest friends.
I thought: Why do I feel so connected to these people? Why do I feel this connection when I just met them for the first time at this Shabbat dinner. It wasn’t a fast click, but that’s where it started clicking for me. It wasn’t until I started hanging out with Jewish people, working for Jewish organizations. I interned at the National Council of Jewish Women. I was an abortion doula for a clinic in Virginia. And then I got a job at ADL, where I still work.
Samuel: You mentioned earlier your passion for abortion work – what was that experience in Virginia like? What have you carried forward even as you’re not directly working in the field now?
Emma: I was seeing people at what could have been the most emotionally charged experience of their life. For some people, it was a day they’ll never forget and will continue to reflect on. The reason this was my dream job is because when I was 13, my mother took me to an event after school where women who’d survived back-alley abortions were telling their stories and talking about why it’s so important that young people continue to remain activists for abortion rights. People who have worked in abortion spaces always knew that Roe v. Wade was fragile.
My job was to be a grounding force; I was there to convince people that they had all the tools necessary in their own mental, emotional, and spiritual toolkit to handle whatever decision they made. It was very important to explain that – with something as difficult as the choice to have an abortion – it’s not a question of spirituality or science. It can’t be answered by one group. It can’t be answered by the Jewish people or Christians or Muslims. I had religious Muslim coworkers. I had religious Christian patients. We had everything from 12-year-olds to 56-year-olds. The wide range of experiences really helped me understand that no patient plan ever looked the same. I met some of the greatest people, and it really was one of the best jobs I ever had.
Samuel: In college, you started and ran a dog walking ring with nearly 100 other students. What’s the platonic ideal of a dog for you?
Emma: I’ll never forget my two favorite dogs. It was the first couple who ever hired me – it was a nice Jewish couple, and the Mom was a Ukrainian immigrant, and every day at 11:00 a.m. I’d visit these two wiener dogs named Periwinkle and Petunia. Typically, I could clear two miles with a good dog. I couldn’t even get them up the street. They just wanted to sit on the ground and eat sticks. I called the owners and was like: I’m so sorry, they just won’t walk. And they go: Yeah, we don’t need you to walk them. Just spend time with them and make sure they do their business. So every day I’d carry one slightly chunky dog and one super anxious dog around, and they were my favorites. I literally have dreams about them. It was a perfect scenario.
Samuel: What else feels alive Jewishly right now?
Emma: I grew up as a Reform Jew. My lovely boyfriend is not what I expected; his brother’s a rabbi, he went to summer camp, he keeps kosher, he enjoys synagogue. We joke that we’re perfect opposites. He did not expect to have someone who’s a tattooed Reform Jew who doesn’t believe in a higher power. But he’s brought me a better understanding that Judaism exists in a very gray area.
I used to think it was lanes of Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, and you were all in or you weren’t. I felt defensive, thinking I had to defend myself and say: I’m still just as Jewish as you. He’s never made me question that. We go to services, but I get to bring a book. Everything is about a middle ground. His version of feeling alive doesn’t have to feel exactly like mine. I used to think that all my happy experiences had to be felt by other people so we could be on the same wavelength.
Samuel: Like the tattoos.
Emma: Exactly. I used to think: How is this going to work with the ways we’re so different? And I don’t like to give credit to a man for anything. But he’s brought me a better understanding. He’s made me more patient. And he’s made me more excited for Jewish experiences.
Samuel: A couple quick ones to close. What’s something you’re bad at?
Emma: Being patient. Especially on the metro.
Samuel: What are you feeling proud about right now?
Emma: I feel really accomplished at my job. I’m driven by my career. Not a lot of people get to wake up every day and truly love what they do.
Samuel: You can invite any three people to Shabbat dinner. Who are they?
Emma: Michelle Obama, Cecile Richards, and my mom.
Samuel: Finish the sentence: When Jews of the DMV gather…
Emma: It enriches us. It enriches our lives. It enriches generation to generation. We’re in a very difficult time to be young Jews right now. We might look and see all the divides that we feel. But Jews become more connected, even in our differences.
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