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Miriam and I grab coffee at The Coupe one recent afternoon. Basking in the air conditioning, we chat about Miriam’s journey from Long Island to St. Louis to DC, why she started Luv with Lev, how awesome Petworth is, the tension between digital access and in-person connection, mucus, and love at first sight.
Samuel: What brought you to the DMV?
Miriam: I grew up on Long Island and went to Duke for college. That’s where I was really lucky to meet my partner, now fiancé. We were friends for a long time, but ended up in a relationship our last semester, and then I went off to grad school in St. Louis and he moved to DC for a job. When I finished grad school, I was hoping to move here, because he was here. My first job was at JCADA; I moved to Montgomery County to manage their teen dating violence prevention program. Then, the next year, we moved into our place in Petworth.
Samuel: What’s kept you here?
Miriam: I really love DC. Where I grew up, a lot of people stay on Long Island or move into NYC. I was never interested in that. NYC is just too much. DC is so clean, and I love all the different little neighborhoods, how it can feel like you’re in the suburbs in the city, and you can hop on the metro and get to so many things.
There’s so much culture, and our neighborhood has that local feel. There’s a lot of family-run businesses, small businesses, different cuisines, local restaurants, different immigrant communities. It’s very diverse, and there’s all different kinds of people who live around here. And, the Jewish stuff [in DC] has been amazing, too. There’s so many different opportunities. You can find the community and spaces that feel right for you.
Samuel: What feels alive for you Jewishly right now?
Miriam: Well, it’s always matchmaking, because that’s kind of taken over my life. It’s the topic of conversation…always, these days. Helping Jewish people find love has been the center of my Jewish focus as of late.
Samuel: What’s the story behind Luv with Lev?
Miriam: So, when I first moved here, I had a partner, but I needed to make friends. I started going to all of the Moishe House, GatherDC, JCC events, and that’s how I made friends and built community here. From the beginning, I was learning that finding a partner is something that a lot of people were both interested in and struggling with. People would ask my partner and me: Do you know anyone? Keep us in mind! I started keeping a mental list, then a physical list of all those people asking me.
The problem was that, amongst those people, I didn’t see any matches. I wasn’t going to set you up with someone just because you both asked, are both Jewish, and are both single. If I was going to match people, I want it to be a good match, because I think you’d be a good fit. It was really last summer that I started thinking more seriously about the fact that I’ve had all these conversations with people about their challenges, and despite there being all these resources for general social community-building amongst Jewish young professionals in DC, no one was exclusively focusing on support for dating – even though that’s a core priority for a lot of people in that age group.
And, there’s matchmakers who will charge tens of thousands of dollars to set you up, but no one was doing this community model. I don’t want to be a matchmaker only for rich people, right? And so it was like: How do I do something that’s accessible and rooted in my values around supporting people?
It’s a side-hustle right now. The cost of traditional matchmaking is prohibitive for a lot of people, so it’s important to me to keep this accessible. In order to do that, I have to limit how much time I spend on it. I’d love for this to keep growing, the demand is certainly there, but for now I’ve been staying grounded in the fact that I’m doing what feels right to me in my heart, and things will work out. I’m on the journey and believe it’ll all go the way it is supposed to.
Samuel: We’re in a moment culturally, socially, et cetera where dating apps and the internet have made it really easy, in theory, to meet other single people – but there’s also a ton of enthusiasm around something like Luv with Lev. Why do you think that is?
Miriam: Exactly. In some ways, it’s easier now than ever to meet someone, right? You can get on your phone and swipe through a hundred people. But it’s harder than ever to connect with people. I think people are really burnt out with the dating apps, and they want to meet someone in person, but our infrastructure has moved so much toward the digital world that we don’t have the kinds of spaces that allow for in-person connection. And, there’s stigma around approaching someone in person. It can be awkward. It can be hard going in, like: I’m not sure if this person is single or not. Will it be offensive if I try to hit on them? And, if I ask them out and they say no, I’m probably going to see them around.
So, having something that’s more focused intentionally on dating sets the tone for what you’re trying to do, and what I’m trying to do with the matchmaking. Directly connecting people takes a lot of that stress out of it – I’m just connecting you. You meet and decide if you want a date or not, right? I ask that people agree to be respectful, to communicate, to be honest, to not ghost. Out there in the world, it’s brutal; dating is such a vulnerable thing! It should be treated with care.
Samuel: You mentioned earlier that, with Luv with Lev, you’re balancing not wanting to be perceived…with being someone prominent in your community, putting yourself out there, and so on. How are you approaching that?
Miriam: Yeah, a lot of times I don’t want to be perceived, don’t want too much attention. But I also saw this need in my community that I felt like I could provide for. I’m not an influencer. There’s a reason it’s Luv with Lev [Editor’s note: Lev translates to “heart” in Hebrew] and not Matchmaking with Miriam – this is really centered in community for me. It’s not about me being the face, or the expert on all things dating. It’s about building the infrastructure and support system for this community effort and centering it in what the community wants and needs.
A lot of my struggle in starting this was worrying about what would happen if it didn’t go well. This is my community. This is my world. These are real people. These are my friends. But it’s rewarding because I’m so much more invested in it, because I care that much.
Samuel: What is it about you as an individual that people, even before Luv with Lev, were asking you to set them up?
Miriam: I think it’s a social work thing – I have a Master of Social Work. I’m the person who an Uber driver tells their life story. I think I give off that vibe, and I’m a very empathetic person and care for people.I like to make them feel seen and affirmed, and I’m a very open person, too. So that helps people feel more comfortable.
When I first moved here, I’d talk a lot about my sexual health work. I’m a Certified Sexuality Educator with AASECT. Like, my party trick was asking people if they could name the six bodily fluids that could transmit HIV. It’s weird, because I’m actually more introverted, but getting young adults to say “anal mucus” is just fun. I talk about sex, I talk about relationships, and these can be taboo topics, but they’re also a big part of people’s lives. People want to engage with that.
Samuel: You’re hosting Shabbat dinner and can invite three people. Who are you bringing?
Miriam: I’m going to break this question. Of course, it would be really cool to host a famous person, or my grandma who is not with us anymore – I miss my grandma so much, and she would be totally kvelling over how Jewishly involved I am, and hosting a Shabbat dinner for her would be amazing – but I’m going to say that I want to host all of you in our community.
My fiancé and I love hosting Shabbat dinners. We cram a lot of people into our tiny apartment and fill it with food and laughter. We love cooking and inviting friends from different parts of our lives, curating who’s there. That has sparked friendships among people who didn’t know each other before, and are now friends outside of us. A relationship even came out of one of our dinners! I just want to be able to keep hosting people here in my community.
And, I want to host singles dinners and facilitate connection that way, with questions that help people engage on a deeper level. People tell me all the time that they will walk into a community Shabbat dinner and think: I don’t like any of the people here for dating. And I’m like: You don’t know them! I don’t believe you can know whether someone is a potential partner for you by seeing them across a room. So, I hope to create spaces where people can actually engage with each other, get to know each other, and hopefully spark some connections.
Samuel: Last one. Finish the sentence: When Jews of the DMV gather…
Miriam: You might find your Bashert!
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