At Home with Valerie: Dating vs. Home Buying

by Valerie Hillman Bluestein / December 27, 2017

After what seemed like an endless search, you met the one. It’s most definitely love. Your heart goes pitter-patter when you’re nearby. You’re ready to stop the hunt and make a big commitment. Although you don’t admit it to many people since it’s still early, you’ve been daydreaming about your future together. Celebrating milestones. Starting a family. Growing old together. Sure, there are flaws, but they’re overshadowed by all the amazing qualities and the way you feel when you’re with each other.

But is it reciprocal? It’s almost too perfect and you’d be utterly devastated if this one doesn’t work out. So, what do you do?

Leave it to your real estate agent.

Buying a home is just like dating.

Thinking short term vs long term: Buying a home is a long-term commitment. Relationships can be, too. Are you ready to move on from your former apartment… or ex? If you’re not sure you can stay in one place for the next five or more years, you’re probably better off renting.

It’s a numbers game: Be patient. Most people don’t buy the first house they see, or marry the first person they date. According to the National Association of Realtors®, home buyers typically look at 10 homes before purchasing. With that comes the same heartbreak of the dating world, like when you submit an offer and get rejected or someone else (maybe someone with more money) swoops in. You may go on 1,000 dates before you find your match, but you learn and grow from each one and you never settle until you find your perfect partner.

First impressions matter, but don’t be superficial: We’ve all gone on an online date with someone who looks nothing like his or her photos. I once had to leave the table to double check a JDate profile to make sure there wasn’t a mix-up. Well, the same thing can be true with real estate. Staging and camera angles can make a home look much better online than in person, and there can be a lot more shingles on the roof if the picture was taken five years ago. However, this person or home may possess all of the other qualities you’re looking for, so don’t get too caught up with appearances.

Everything changes when you meet face to face: Tinder, Jswipe, Bumble,, eHarmony. Zillow,, Padmapper, HotPads. You can swipe through single men and women as well as single family homes all from the comfort of your couch. The internet is an incredible tool that can bring a world of options narrowed down to your exact specifications with the click of a button. But, just like you wouldn’t begin a relationship with someone without meeting in person, you shouldn’t fall in love with a home sight unseen. Once you’ve narrowed down the pool, get off the internet and go in person! It’s the best way to see if you’ve found your true match.

Talk to your friends: Friends are invaluable while you’re dating. They’re your wingmen, your confidants, and your shoulder to cry on. Think of your real estate agent as your trusted friend during the home-buying process. Real estate agents will get to know you, set you up with prospects that match, listen to you, and be there for you through the highs and lows of the experience.

Some people like fixer-uppers, but there’s only so much you can change: You can make small fixes to both a home and a significant other relatively easily. A coat of paint here. A new sweater there. New blinds here. A stern lecture there. If you put in enough time and effort, you may even be able to tear down walls, both metaphorically in relationships, and literally in home remodeling. However, if you find an issue in the foundation, it’s best to walk away before getting too emotionally invested.

Perfection doesn’t exist: Everyone has a list of qualities they desire in a partner, as well as in a home. Some are non-negotiable, like being okay with dogs. Some should be negotiable, like being walkable to work. These qualities may take a gentle nudge from a friend or real estate agent: Maybe you should actually consider crossing the Potomac at some point, for a date or a dream house.

It’s a never-ending project: Both relationships and homes require upkeep throughout the years. Both can be improved every day, every month, and every year. You’ll no doubt face unexpected challenges, but will also find stability, joy, and fulfillment with many wonderful memories together.

P.S. I know this might seem like a LOT to remember. That’s why I’ve created this handy-dandy infographic that you can take with you on your next first, second, or third date with your potential home-to-be. Good luck on your home “dating” journey ahead!


About the Author: Valerie Hillman Bluestein is a part of our “Gather the Bloggers” cohort of talented writers who share their thoughts and insights about DC Jewish life with you. She is a Washington, D.C. native, and knows the area inside and out. She was born in Georgetown, grew up in Bethesda, received her Bachelor’s degree from the University of Maryland, and currently resides in Dupont Circle. Valerie spent a decade marketing and event planning for communities in the metropolitan area, before translating those skills into real estate. As a realtor, Valerie makes the home buying process as smooth as possible through her attention to detail, perseverance and ability to communicate efficiently. She also has a passion and eye for design, which helps her clients envision the greatest aesthetic potential for their homes.

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