On the 8 Nights of Chanukah, My Dating Coach Said to Me… – GTJ Dating Series with Erika E. (No. 55)

by Erika E. / December 4, 2012

With Chanukah fast-approaching (how does it creep up like that?), I want to provide a summary of the top eight tips from 2012.  Feel free to sing along!  (And check out last year’s top 8 tips here for a refresher.)

On the 1st night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

Having a laundry list of a dozen “must haves” will inevitably doom your search for Mr. or Ms. Perfect.  In reality, no one is perfect, so it’s important to know what you can bend on.  In the end, the most important thing is how someone treats you.

On the 2nd night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

Proofreading your online dating profile goes a long way.  When you’re putting yourself out there in the vast online dating pool, it’s important to take the time to read and re-read your profile to make sure that “your” not messing up easy words and hurting your chance to find the perfect match.

On the 3rd night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

When writing an online dating e-mail, remember not to make it too long or too generic.  It’s best to mention what appealed to you about his or her profile and how that relates to you.  Then, end with a question so that they have something to answer in the response.  It never hurts to throw something funny in there either!

On the 4th night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

On a first date, try to maintain an optimistic and happy attitude.  People can easily detect negativity when you’re “J-Jaded.”  A simple smile goes a long way.

On the 5th night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

When signing up for online dating for the first time or going on a first date, remember to try to be a PSP instead of a DO.  Not every person will be “the one,” but just hope for a nice time and some good conversation, and you may be pleasantly surprised.

On the 6th night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

Do not use the words “Need not apply” in your online dating profile.  Rather than talking about what you’re not looking for in a partner, give people a sense of what you are looking for and it will come off in a much more positive manner.

On the 7th night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

Having your phone out or texting on a first date is a huge turn-off.  Nothing screams “I’m waiting for something better to come up” than a cell phone on the table waiting to be answered.  Try (as hard as it may be since we’re all surgically attached to our phones… myself included) to put your phone in your bag or your pocket for the entirety of the date.

On the 8th night of Chanukah, my dating coach said to me:

It’s ok to Google someone before your date, but please don’t friend them on Facebook!  It’s way too soon to see all the pictures with the ex!  😉

And a partridge in a pear tree. 

Have a wonderful holiday from Erika at A Little Nudge, your spunky GTJ dating columnist.

Erika Ettin is, as the Washington Post has noted, a “modern day Cyrano.” She is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people with all aspects of online dating.  Check out her interview on NPR here. An archive of all of Erika’s columns is also available.  Want to connect with Erika?  Join her newsletter for updates and tips.