First Stunt: Contestants will be forced to go to a Jewish singles happy hour and successfully get the phone number of at least three of Miami’s hottest single Jews.
Second Stunt: Contestants will have to eat luke-warm, frozen store-bought bagels schmeared with Le Moche Chevre—- the world’s most bitter blue cream cheese.
Third Stunt: The remaining Jewish American Princes and Princesses will be given a Lexus with four flat tires. The fastest Jewish American Prince or Princess to change all four tires drives home with the Lexus.
First Stunt: Jewish American Princes and Princesses from the Midwest who have never visited New York will be challenged to travel from Yankee Stadium in the Bronx to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn without asking anyone for directions in less than four hours.
Second Stunt: Contestants will be forced to sit in a room filled with 613 open jars of Manaschevitz gefilte fish. The temperature will be set at 90 degrees. The first three to exit the room or throw up will be eliminated.
Third Stunt: The remaining Jewish American Princes and Princesses will be forced to dine at New York’s most vilified restaurant, Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Bar. None of the orders will be served timely or accurately. The first contestant to heckle the waiter, chef, and Guy Fieri into running out of the restaurant crying and screaming hysterically wins—and gets to punch Guy Fieri in the balls.
First Stunt: Contestants will have their federal income tax returns audited. Those with errors will be eliminated.
Second Stunt: Contestants will be given $2,000 in cash and dropped off on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills during regular business hours. Any contestant returning with less than $1,990 will be eliminated.
Third Stunt: The remaining Jewish American Princes and Princesses will walk into the William Morris Endeavor talent agency, tell an original Aristocrats joke, and then act it out. Whomever WME signs to an agent wins.
First Stunt: The contestants will be treated to a marathon of Mel Gibson movies: Mad Max, What Women Want, Conspiracy Theory, and The Passion of the Christ. The first three to walk out or shout obscenities at the screen will be eliminated.
Second Stunt: Contestants will spin a wheel labeled with the Ten Plagues of Egypt. Whichever one of the plagues the wheel lands on, the contestants must eat—that includes darkness and firstborn.
Third Stunt: The remaining Jewish American Princes and Princesses will do the Hora on the observation deck of the Sears Tower. The contestant that goes the longest before their mother phones them to “get down from there because it is dangerous” wins.
Brian Fishbach is a comedian, writer, political satirist, former GTJ JGOTW, and musician specializing in social and political commentary. You can read Brian’s weekly satire news articles at www.TheComedyNews.com, and enjoy his late-night jokes at www.BrianFishbach.com. Join The Comedy News’ Facebook page for updates.