HIGHLAND PARK, Ill (@TheComedyNews) – Benjamin Feinberg’s experience at Friday night services at Congregation Beth Ra’ash began as any other— hand shakes and hugs with familiar friends, cookies and wine with the newcomers, and a seat in the center pews (not too close to the bimah, not too far).
Feinberg’s focus took a nose dive, however, about two thirds of the way through the service when the it was time for silent prayer.
“Please pray silently, and we will then continue on page 43,” the Rabbi announced.
Feinberg could only seem to pray for a good 8-10 seconds before he began to daydream random obscure thoughts.
“I pray for Bubbi to heal,” he said in his inner monologue. “I pray my sister gets accepted to Stanford Business school—gosh my ass really hurts. These pews need to be renovated. When my middle school was renovated, I smoked a cigarette with one of the construction workers during recess.”
Feinberg sighed and gazed around the sanctuary.
He continued silently, “for the Shabbat dinner, I really hope to sit at a table with Claire Birnbaum. She’s lookin cute. Oy but I bet angry Mike will try to sit with me. He’s always in a mood and complains about work. They better serve falafel here, but I don’t have any breath mints, maybe I should —-”
“Please join us on page 43,” announced the Rabbi, concluding the silent prayer part of the service.
Feinberg could only shake his head at another squandered opportunity to pray silently on Shabbat services.
Feinberg’s Bubbi made a full recovery from her hip surgery. His sister got wait-listed by Stanford Business School. Feinberg also finally got Claire’s phone number while they both shared a table with angry Mike.
Brian Fishbach is a writer and comedian. You can read Brian’s weekly satire news articles at http://www.TheComedyNews.com, and enjoy his late-night jokes at http://www.BrianFishbach.com. Join The Comedy News’ Facebook page for updates.