AUSTIN, TX – (@The Comedy News) – At around 7:45 PM this past Friday night, congregants sitting in the center pews of Congregation Beth Ra’ash noticed a distracting noise during the opening prayers: the awkwardly loud and polished singing voice of Jill Pearson trumping the mood.
“I knew it was Jill Pearson,” a congregant Jonathan Weinfeurter griped. “Every time I go to services, no matter where I am in the sanctuary, I can hear her staccato voice polluting the air.”
Other congregants note that Jill often chides the service leaders’ performance behind their backs following services. And in addition to looking around mid-song to see if anyone is marveling at her over-produced audible chanting from the pews, Jill also tweets her vocal pride:
“@DayenuDiva613: Adam Levine may got moves like Jagger, but I got a voice like Hachem.”
No congregant could confirm what Jill’s musical training has been—likely due to no decent soul being capable of tolerating her blatant narcissism.
However, a quick Google-search has shown that Jill has been classically trained singer since age 4, has auditioned for season 2 of The Voice, studied at the Julliard School in New York, and even sung the Star Spangled Banner at a Dallas Cowboys football game.
Still, after all of those accolades, Jill still can’t resist the urge to show off her self-proclaimed “voice that flows like wine”, even during modest opportunities such as Shabbat.
It was also reported that the only time during the entire service that Jill’s melodic caterwauling was not heard was during the reciting of the Shemah. It was later revealed that at that time, Jill Instagramming a selfie with her free hand over her eyes, one winking.
Brian Fishbach is a comedian, writer, political satirist, former GTJ JGOTW, and musician specializing in social and political commentary. You can read Brian’s weekly satire news articles at www.TheComedyNews.com, and enjoy his late-night jokes at www.BrianFishbach.com. Join The Comedy News’ Facebook page for updates.