Taking a Guyatus (or Girlatus) from Dating – GTJ Dating Series with Erika E. (week 18)

Time to step away from your online profile?

Online dating takes work.  And it’s sometimes a frustrating process.  This I know.  Even though my job is to tout the benefits of online dating to the world (and I truly do believe it’s an amazing way to meet) and help people with the process, there were times when even I needed an online dating hiatus, or a “guyatus.”

Here are a few signs that you’re ready for a guyatus (or girlatus):

  • You’re sick of sending clever, witty e-mails and getting no responses.

Day after day, you send these e-mails, and when you log into your account… nothing.  Did they not get your e-mails?  Is your profile somehow invisible for the world to see?  Did they just not like your hair? Whatever the reason, you’re coming up short.

  • You’re tired of creating said clever, witty e-mails; It’s time-consuming.

It’s hard enough thinking of a subject line, let alone one-of-a-kind e-mails on top of it.  You don’t have the time or energy anymore to think of something interesting to say to every new potential love interest.

  • You’re getting stressed out trying to fit in dates between all your other activities.

Between happy hours, work functions, and school at night, even finding an hour or two to schedule a first date seems daunting.

  • You’ve hit your first date capacity… no more!

You’ve been on one too many first dates that haven’t lead to anything more for one of a number of reasons – no chemistry, didn’t look like the pics, etc.  In other words, you’re “JJaded.”

Just as we need a vacation from work when we’re burnt out, it’s perfectly acceptable to take breaks from online dating to rejuvenate and get re-energized about the process.  After you’ve been in the online dating game for a while, you may start dreaming of answers to “my perfect first date” and profiles saying, “I love to laugh, and traveling is my passion.”  But when you feel like giving up for good, just remember – breaks are ok, but giving up is not.  If you’ve been laid off and now you’re looking for a job, you don’t just say, “Well, I don’t really need a job.  I’m done with this search.”  You get back on the horse when you’re ready and power through those interviews, or first dates, if you will.  Log off for a week or a month, and when you’re ready, sign back on with vigor.  Change your pictures, create a new username, e-mail people on the periphery of your search criteria.  The love of your life may pop up this time around, and you’ll be good and ready for it.

Note – I sent this article to my sister to read before I posted it, and I thought everyone would enjoy what she had to say:

I must say, this is my favorite blog because this is exactly what happened for me with Josh.  Before I met Josh, I was completely fed up with JDate from all of my other experiences with weirdos.  I felt like everyone on there was completely nuts, and I felt like it had always been a waste of my time.  I vowed to never join again, and I didn’t know how I would ever meet anyone.  Then, one night, I had an epiphany!  Maybe this time would be different, and I would meet my true love.  And, almost 3 years later, I am so happy I re-joined.  Josh had joined for the first time the same day I joined that final time.  I never would have met him if I hadn’t re-joined, even though he lived 1.5 miles down the road our whole lives!!!  So, I have a strong personal connection to this story.

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people find success in online dating and gets them excited about its possibilities. “Like” A Little Nudge on Facebook, or follow on Twitter.  An archive of all of Erika’s columns is also available.

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1 reply
  1. Stephen Richer
    Stephen Richer says:

    I’m going to tell myself that the three years I spent in college without dating anyone was just a lengthy “girlatus.”


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