Ok, there really isn’t any information about the contest in here; I just wanted to lure you into clicking. We’re pulling out all the stops here at GTN to get you guys to read, including moving the timeslot to Monday mornings. Evidently, we can get over 9,000 votes for Jewish Girl of the Year, but no more than 64(?!) IP addresses to read a few bullet points. GTN will now be reviewing the previous week’s Jewish news to liven up your Monday morning.  And by “liven up your Monday morning,” I mean…
- …make your blood boil. Raise your hand if you like being referred to as “they.”
- The world says “goodbye!” to the likely Jewish Uncle Leo. 
- Bahrain is firing at its own citizens from helicopters, but Israel is the one that almost gets a UN condemnation. The US vetoes, and the Palestinians have one of those ubiquitous “Day[s] of Rage.” 
- An Iranian nuclear facility recovered quickly from the Stuxnet cyberattack. Not only would Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith have done a better job, but we would also get to hear some snarky comments from Will Smith. 
- Meanwhile, an Iranian warship moves to B5.
- The New York Post reports an interesting, underreported detail in the sexual assault of Lara Logan.
- Israelis may have to to think twice about their motivations for not buying that hummus…
- …or that bandage that probably saved Gabrielle Giffords’ life.
Want to see some good news in Gather the News? Send me stories all week at firstname.lastname@example.org.
 You’re probably enjoying your day off too much to be reading this anyway.
 Easiest pop culture reference pun EVER.
 I had a personal Day of Rage last week. Let’s just say that you do not want to be a tourist blocking the Metro escalator when I’m running late.
 Something like, “I have GOT to get me one of these…shawarma laffas.”